Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Psssssst...I have a Secret.

So, I'm sure you're all curious about my eye-opening, life changing experiences this weekend.  Am I right?  One was that I've officially set the ball in motion to accomplish something I've been dreaming about for a while now.  I don't want to spill all of the beans right now but I will tell you this- that embroidered flier I showed you a few weeks back?  The one for my stitching group?  Yeah, it's been started.  The calendars are being consulted, people are being recruited, and my excitement level is rising.  I will do this!

Another is that Dillon and I attended a PostSecret event.  I feel like I walked away from the experience a different person.  I've been a follower for years, so when I saw that Frank was coming to Sonoma County I literally let out a little scream for joy.  There would be no way that I would miss it.

I've heard that these talks are emotional experiences but, geez louise, even I almost shed a tear or two.  Hearing Frank's thoughts on it and the secrets of those brave enough to stand up and speak that night was absolutely amazing.  Afterward, I stood in line to purchase a book.  It wasn't in the budget, but it felt good to have something to remember the night with.  Like the feeling you get when you blow the last of your money on ice cream (or beer, whichever suits your fancy)- you just don't care because it made you feel so good.  

Waiting for my change, I realized that with your book you received an actual secret that had been mailed to Frank!  Acccckkk!!!  I began looking at the tops of the piles, trying to figure out which one was going to come live with me.  I spotted one that was a collage, covered in all sorts of crazy bits, paint, and even a bit of lace.  I figured that would be it for sure.  I glanced away for a second so I wouldn't see her choose.  I took my change, shoved my secret in my book and pushed my way out of the mob.  I found a place off to the side to peak at my new treasure.  As I pulled my secret out, I felt like Charlie Bucket opening a Wonka Bar.

This is the secret I received-

As I stood there holding this, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.  Not because I didn't like it, but because it was so darned ironic.  It was perfect for me.  In fact, Dillon says this about me all of the time.  Not in the "Oh, look at you, reaching for the stars!" kind of way but more like the "When did you forget how to be happy?" sort of way.  It saddens me that I'm not the free spirit I used to be, I want the happy-go-lucky me back.  This helped me to realize that wanting it is not enough, I have to work at it too.   I'm not sure I can explain how cathartic it was.  I've been trying to implement change in my life to get back to the fun person I used to be.  This experience has shown me that I'm almost there but I still need to forget about the negatives and only focus on the positives.

I will work at it because I don't want him to be able to relate to this secret.

As Frank would say, "free your secrets and become who your are."

Thanks for looking, I hope that you have an insightful and creative day.


Jennifer @ Stitchin' Thyme said...

I love this post!

MafiosaGrrl said...

Thank you, it's much more personal than I ever intended to get with this blog but I think it's good to keep it real.